Living a Full Life


“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.
C. JoyBell C.

A few years ago I went through a major weight loss transformation and I became addicted to working out. I found that it didn’t bring the world to my feet and it most certainly didn’t bring me happiness. Sure, I liked the looks I got from men and women. I loved the highs of working out. But I was still looking for something to make me complete.

Since my injury, I’ve gained weight because I haven’t been able to move much. I hated being sedentary. It felt like prison. I ate a lot, but found that it didn’t bring me happiness. It didn’t stave off the desperation I felt, and the extreme loneliness. I’ve been trying my very best not to beat myself about it. I won’t.

I have begun eating healthier and the weight is coming off. I place my feet in gym shoes and set about walking the sidewalks of my apartment complex at least five times a day. I’m building stamina so that I can walk to the bus stop to get myself back to work in early August. Physical therapy is grueling but worth it.

I’ve decided I will not become addicted to food or the gym again. I will not worry about every piece of food that goes into my mouth. I will be mindful of my eating, but I will not beat myself up about having a piece of cake. A full life for me means walking outside in the fresh air, biting into a ripe nectarine, or watching my dog carry a stick that’s bigger than him. Yes, that’s a full life.

6 thoughts on “Living a Full Life

  1. I am going through a similar philosophical battle re: balance of pleasure and discipline. The quest for happiness is, I believe, on the same road as the quest for self-acceptance.
    Good to see you, darling — sorry I’ve been an absentee friend.

  2. And the things that we took for granted now become a blessing. Any other outcome and you may not have been able to do a simple thing like walk. You now enjoy that to such a degree that it brings a smile to get back the independence that it brings. And when you do see someone in a wheelchair, your heart goes out to them…because you now ‘know’ what it was like. You have received a great gift. Empathy…for others, and the gift of loving who you have now become within…because of what you have gone through. Yes, it was a bad time…but the love within that it has now created is beyond measure. The ‘thing’ that always seems to be missing, and we look and look and look, is right inside you. That beating heart and the love you give yourself IS the journey. You can exercise, eat great, and do a million other things…(and you are only doing those because you don’t believe in yourself (we all do it)), but it isn’t until you totally believe in who and what you are right now…pimples, fat bits, fuzzy hair, smelly armpits, you name it…and totally accept that person…will you let go of what the world thinks, and embrace and accept that beauty within. You are already that lovely person within, it is only you that ‘see’ so many faults. Do the mirror…look into it and say ‘I love you’ with all your heart. If you burst out laughing…your avoiding…if you burst into tears…then you know you don’t think highly of yourself. Today is the first day of a new beginning….choose. And have a great day Renee…the world beckons a new journey…where can those new feet take you 🙂 Namaste

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