To have a penis, or to not have a penis, that is quite the question

So is it better to have a penis?  Do you control more if you do?  Or does the one with the vag control the world?  These questions have left me perplexed.  I’m trying to understand why I was born a woman.  Why couldn’t I have been a man?  Would it have been easier for me to love?  Would it have been easier for me to fuck?  To get a job?  To open more doors of opportunity?

I just think it would have been easier if I had been born a boy.  I would have been able to pick who I love instead of waiting for a boy to pick me.  Finding love for me when I was young was never easy.  I was pretty, had big boobs, but I was curvy.  Curvy was most definitely not “in” when I was young.  Boys wanted a stick girl that ate a crouton, a glass of water and a tooth pick on a date.  Me, I was not afraid to eat and that freaked boys out.  And the girls didn’t like it either.  They would look at me like I was such a pig.  Fuckin’ bitches!  Little did any of us realize we were all headed for severe eating disorders….  The boys however liked me for my tits.  I just wanted one boy to like me for my sparkly personality.  I would have loved to have a sparkly personality, and a flat chest.  But nope I had to have a great personality AND huge boobs!  Giggle.  Of course the man I married, loved me for both.  And lots of other reasons too….

I know I’m probably sharing too much about myself but I got to have a lot of sex before I was married.  There were plenty of guys who wanted to do it with me just because of the boob thing.  And I had such self esteem issues that I would let them.  It was  a way for me to feel love and/or needed.  It was a way for me to get dumped too, a lot. But I soon learned that because I had the vag and the boobs I was the powerful one.  Because I could have sex with a guy, or NOT.  I WANTED and NEEDED that power after while.  It was one thing I could control.  Many of my friends didn’t understand that.  They thought I was just a whore.  Don’t get me wrong, I was, but I was also in control.  Which is what I had always wanted!

Would I have been able to get a better job?  This answer is most definitely yes!  I would have been paid more too.  I would have not just been looked at as a working mother, but as a viable contributor to my profession.  Whatever that would have been.  And if I had stayed single and had a penis I would have been paid even more.  Why that is, I have no idea.  What is that about?  Shouldn’t the mom who has to work outside the home have been paid more?  Shouldn’t we have at least made enough to pay more bills besides daycare and preschool with our pay check?  Yeesh!  I’ve been very lucky though.  I have worked for a female boss that has been very good to me.  She sees that I’m a go getter, that I want to learn more, that I want to achieve more, and that I’m smart.  Even though I’ve never gotten a college degree, she has always treated me as her equal.  So since I have a boss with a vag, it has given me an advantage to some extent.

I do believe those with a penis control more things.  Of course, it’s apparent.  In the corporate world, government, education, and so much more.  I don’t see how that’s fair.  Why can’t we with the vag control the world?  We are the ones that give birth to the world.  We renew our insides every 28 days.  We can do so much more with our bodies than a man can do.  Our cycles are in tune with the planet, with the tides, and so many other things in nature.  I got to carry life inside me and bring it into the world.  I got to nurture it, watch it grow, become adults and move on.  Now that’s POWER!  So after writing this entry I’ve decided I’ll keep my vag.  It’s way more powerful than any dumb old penis will ever be…..

Sometimes I wonder why the FUCK I had children!

Sometimes my kids annoy the FUCK out of me!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m so in love with them.  I’m proud of them, and I think they’re super fun.  But just once I’d like them to just root for me.  Most of the time they do, but sometimes I just want to say why don’t you like me?  I’m not the typical momma.  Hell when my daughter first starting bringing friends home form college we’d all have drinks.  And to welcome them into the fold we always, always drank a shot of good tequila together.  Of course I drank mine straight with no lime or salt, because I’m not a PUSSY!  Thank God I’ve quit drinking because I on more than one occasion I have gotten completely wasted and made an ass of myself.  Now I just make an ass of myself when I’m sober.  It’s way more fun when I can remember doing it!  But I digress….

So Meg sends me this link to the tv show True Life from Mtv called My Mom is Hot!  I thought it was funny till she told me she and her brother thought I acted like the blonde bimbo that had tits the size of basketballs.  The woman was an embarrassment to herself and her children and definitely needed some intensive therapy.  I may act a fool and embarrass my kids but I do it for my enjoyment and not for attention.  I could be in a store and standing in the humorous card section laughing like a hyena.  Or I’m singing show tunes in public in front of my kids.  Or dancing and singing while working the floor at Petco.  Or in a dark bar watching women take off their clothes at a burlesque show.  Burlesque shows are super fun by the way.  Go to one!  We’ll discuss it in another post….  Hey don’t judge me!  I’m free, sorta young and enjoying life…..

So back to the origin of the post.  I told my daughter that I was hurt by the comparison.  That I didn’t act like that and I certainly wouldn’t desecrate my body the way that woman did.  I also said that I’m 43, thin, healthy, and happy.  I asked that she and her brother find out how a woman my age should act and let me know.  I will then be sure to do the exact opposite of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She called me and told me to chill out.  That she was actually just saying that my tits were that HUGE, even though in reality they are so not.  She said when she and Adam were watching it, they both looked at each other and said wow that could be our mom!  So I guess if they find me funny, that’s a good thing.  If they find me embarrassing, that’s A-okay too.  But thankfully they don’t find me to be a train wreck anymore.  And that’s a VERY, VERY good thing.

Happiness is not a destination we arrive at…. It is all in how we feel

I like smiling, smiling is my favorite. –Buddy the Elf

Yes I’m one of those people that you see smiling all the time.  It gets annoying I know but I’m just a generally happy person.  I make the conscious decision every day when I wake up to be happy.  I figure if I start out that way then my day can only get better. BUT it may not.  I’m not a Pollyanna.  I am aware that there are bad things going on all around me.  That someone else that I walk by on the street could be having the worst day of their lives or they could have gotten some devastating news.  That’s why I choose to smile at them as I walk by.  Who knows, they could have been thinking about how shitty their life is, but because I smiled at them and then they smiled back, it helped them forget their own problems for awhile.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not always happy….  I harbor a secret sadness that I will never share with anyone.  My life is far from perfect, but I make the very best of it.  God has really blessed me.  I have a wonderful husband, amazing well adjusted grown up children, a good extended family and friends that I adore.  OMG do I have friends!  I never thought that I would have such good friends…..

So tomorrow when you wake up.  Be happy with the fact that you are breathing, and alive.  Put a smile on your face no matter what is going on in your life.  Say hello world, watch the fuck out because I’m awake and ready to take on the day.  Let’s get to it!!!

This is a test of the Renee broadcasting system

Good day dear reader(s),

This is all so new to me so I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing yet.  Just trying to get the gist of it and set the profile up.  It has me nervous and excited all at the same time.  I think the flutterings I feel in my stomach are bats instead of butterflies.  I’m so ready to start this new chapter in my life.  But I’m going to warn you all, I’m mouthy, opinionated, I swear A LOT, but I have a gentle soul.  I will take what you say, good or bad to heart. So be gentle till I get this right.  If you would like, give me suggestions on what to write about.  And please be fucking serious with them!  Of course if you tell me to blog about poop, be warned that I will!  I may even blog about people being asshats.  But we’ll reserve that title for Republicans…..  OMG are we going to have fun with this.  Have a wonderful day y’all and be good.  But if you’re going to be bad, be very good at it.

Sincerely, the ever blossoming blonde bombshell