Quoteful Thursday-Boris Pasternak

I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled.

Their virtue is lifeless and it isn’t of much value.

Life hasn’t revealed its beauty to them.

–Boris Pasternak–

I know I haven’t written anything lately. I haven’t stuck to my format either. Life is crazy, crazy, crazy. So here’s a quote for Thursday. I promise that I’m writing a story for Friday Fictioneers. It’s a sad one, because that’s what I write best.

Sometimes words dry up, or I stop giving a shit. Or the family I’ve been trying to keep together for 24 years finally falls apart because of me. I would rather beg for forgiveness of my children than write a journal entry or post a Tunesday entry.

Maybe I’m trying to stay sober and need to write out my fourth step. That’s more important than writing about romance. I love the written word, but ‘writer’ is only one of the many names I bear. Today I’d rather be a mother, daughter, friend, employee, etc.

I’d like to hide, but I won’t. I’d like to go running, but I’m out of shape.

I’m not asking for pats on the back or kind words. I don’t want to be told it will be all right, because it won’t.

Tonight, I’ll drive home while music blares on the radio. I’ll be chair dancing and singing along. When I arrive, there will be dogs barking and warm kisses from Wonder Schnauzers and Baxter my grand dog. Roger Darling will be there with a cup of coffee and conversation. Dinner will commence and dishes will be done. I might pack a few of my things up before I head to bed.

During the night after I head to the bathroom for the third time, I’ll snuggle back down in bed and listen to the silence.  I’ll pray that the next time I fall, I don’t take my whole family down with me.

Amen.

He told me I was shy

It was 16 years ago that a blonde haired, blue eyed man stood behind me in my office cubicle. He put his hand on my shoulder, leaned down and kissed my cheek. He then whispered, I know the real you. You’re very shy. You pretend.

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes and streamed down my chin. For no one had ever gotten me like that before. I knew in that instant I had fallen in love with him.

He stood up and walked away. Our friendship was never the same after that. We never spoke again. How he ever figured me out I will never know.

The sound of him in the morning

Roger darling always gets up before me. He’s an early riser and I’m a night owl. Since it’s Saturday morning I slept in a bit. He came into the bedroom, looked at me and asked, “are you feeling okay honey, are you sore?” I said, “I’m not as sore as I thought I would be.”

Last evening I was in a car accident. I drove left of center and hit a young kid that was driving his grandfather’s car. I’m okay and so is he. I felt so bad for him though. It was my fault! We called 911 and held hands until the cops and ambulance got there. I soothed his nerves as best I could while I cried. I digress.

Back to my Roger. After we chatted for a few minutes, I took a pain pill and headed back to bed. He then asked if he could go to the casino with my mom. I told him, “of course, I’m going back to bed.” He called my mom and they devised their plans for the day.

Then he got ready. There is something so comforting about the sound of his movements in the bathroom. Hearing the rush of water as he showers. Then after he shuts it off I know he’s standing there naked and drying himself off.

He came to stand in the doorway of our bedroom to chat, then headed back to the bathroom to shave. I couldn’t see him but I could hear the squirting sound of the shaving cream in his hand. I knew then that he was applying it to his face. He turned on the faucet to run the razor under the hot water. He repeated the movements until his face was smooth. Then he tapped the razor on the side of the sink to remove the excess water.

Next he brushed his teeth. I know because he stood in our doorway, brush in hand and squirted the toothpaste on his brush. There’s something so funny about having a conversation with him while he’s brushing his teeth. With that task done, he came to my side of the bed and kissed me sweetly. Asked one more time if it was okay if he went out to play. I told him yes, of course. I’ll be fine.

Now my eyelids are heavy from pain medicine and I’m snuggled in bed with the wonder schnauzers. I have to say I will never tire of listening to the sounds of Roger getting ready. I take such comfort in knowing he’s here.