Bittersweet Day in Pines

Cherry pie from Lee and Carol for mulching their gardens. Game nights at the Perez’s. Campfires on our patio unitl 3 AM. Wine, beer, and booze flowed along with our running mouths that never tired. We talked politics, religion, food, children, love, family and the meaning of life. We’ve even done some dancing on that patio.

The kids drove around on golf carts until curfew. Then there’d be tons of them playing cards and video games all over the house. Meg’s first love lived there. They would see each other every weekend. They were even caught making out on the beach. Imagine my surprise when the ranger came to tell me all about it!

Meggie and Adam Boy lived and worked a few summers there.  They were lifeguards, recreation staff, and the keepers of little children. They even created a competitive swim program.

I loved the beach, the pool and the hot sun. I read tons of books, wrote and slept. I’ll miss that part of it I’m sure.  I find peace on a beach, with the sand in my toes and sunscreen on my skin.

Roger and his crew rewired the the Florida room. I wouldn’t let them have a cocktail till the work was done. After the work was finished they proceeded to get hammered. Roger passed out in living room and Adam and I ate his pizza.

Roger Darling went airborne when he tripped on a loose patio block. I nearly lost my ever loving mind I was laughing so hard. He didn’t find it that hilarious as he was laying in the flower garden.

I showed my boobs to one of our best male friends. I thought Rog was going to faint he was laughing so hard. I tell ya, he’s never surprised by the crazy shit I do.

I threw my back out and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. My wonderful neighbor Max came over and held my hand. Everyone around me was freaking out and yelling. But Max, he knew exactly what to do to calm me.

We’ve changed houses, built decks, landscaped and beautified our little piece of the Pines. Our little piece of heaven. It’s D, G and M’s place now. I hope they make as many wonderful memories there as we did.

Bedtime Adventures at the Heath House

I know you all think this is going to be a great post about Empty Next sex. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this story is about the fight for space in our queen sized bed. Roger and I as you know have lost 246 lbs. in the last 18 months. As our sizes have decreased so has our need for so much space in bed. Unfortunately our dogs have compensated for the extra space and moved on in.

Roger Darling’s dog, Freddie the Fucker, must sleep on his pillow. Between us. My dear husband has to sleep on his side with his ass hanging out of the blanket in order to sleep. Sausage Dog, Heidi Jo Jo must sleep between us. Sideways. She makes the major decision  before settling down for the night just who’s body she needs to sleep on. It could be my left hip. It could be Rog’s legs. Or on special occasions she’ll root around, crash into Roger’s crotch, and land right on his “Boys”. Then it’s Dashel the Shithead’s turn to find his spot. Which is usually my right hip with a paw draped over me. It leaves me pinned by Heidi and Dash. I have to lay in a stick straight position like a strawberry Twizzler.

After we settle in, I read for a few minutes. Roger immediately crashes and falls to sleep. He has learned the hard way that if he sleeps too close to me, I may just slap him in my sleep. Or stick my finger up his nose. Do not ask me why I do this crazy shit in my slumber, because honey I don’t know. That’s like asking me why I do crazy shit when I’m awake. There’s no plausible explanation for it.

At 5 am like clockwork, Freddie the Fucker decides it’s time to go outside. He would never think to jump on Roger Darling. Nope. He has to use my tummy as a springboard. Then the rest of them follow Roger outside. Five minutes later everybody has to settle back in again. Heidi Jo Jo has to bring a toy with her though. Usually it’s a pink flamingo squeaker toy. She lays on my pillow, bites down and squeaks her damn toy in my face. I scream, throw the toy across the room, and tell her to shut the fuck up! We then drift off for maybe a half hour and then the day begins. With us getting ready for work and the puppers running the household.

We love our dogs. We love our bed. And we love each other. We’ve learned that sex in the afternoon while the dogs are awake is so much more practical. And it’s kinda fun doing the dirty dirty in the daylight anyway.