The Philosophy of ‘Different’

mamie4

Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.-Auntie Mame

“Mom, I think you try too hard to be different.”

“No, I don’t. This is who I am.”

“I don’t understand why you can’t sit still.”

“Honey, I sat still for too damn long. I won’t any more. Don’t you understand this is the way I was, before I got depressed and ate everything in the house?”

“Mom, you can’t make up for the time you lost.”

“Adam Boy, I’m not trying to. I’m just trying to live.”

It’s tough when the ones closest to me don’t even understand me. It breaks my heart, really. I would like to think that my Adam Boy would be the one of the ones that actually gets me. He and I have the same sense of  humor. Unfortunately, not the same sense of adventure.

I don’t understand why the Boy has to fucking philosophize everything, but it’s in his nature to do so. That has to be okay with me. It is, for the most part, until he starts picking me apart.

It bothers me that he thinks it’s all an act. I’ll admit, when a depressive episode hits, it is. I do my very best to put a smile on my face and keep going. I hate that I feel like I have to defend myself so much. That I have to be so damn guarded. It can be exhausting.

Maybe it is an act. Maybe if I sit still and dwell on it, I’ll find that I really am a sad, little poet that wears her heart on her sleeve. Maybe that scares me. Hell, I know it does. It scares the absolute fuck out of me!

But maybe, just maybe, I’m Auntie Mame.

I want to be the life of parties thrown for no reason, love ferociously, and speak my mind. To be like that, has to be okay, with at least one person in my life. I was so hoping it would be okay with my Adam Boy and Meggie…

I will not play it safe and I’m not going to hide. There are fountains to jump into. There are tables to dance on. And so many more adventures to have. Come hell or high water, I’m going to feast on this life of mine. God knows I can’t eat pizza anymore, so I might as well eat the shit out of some life.

I will throw on my jeans and cheetah print wedge heels and dance till I’m exhausted. Flirt with young waiters. Hell, I might even flash some cleavage too. I will revel in the joy of being different. To hell with the ones that don’t get it.

Adam Boy thinks I’m afraid to grow old, and die. No that’s not it at all. I’m afraid not to live. For there is so much left for me to do!

Keep Calm and Carry On??? No Fucking Thanks!!!

I saw this picture and thought of you! I read this as a sign to rebel against the “norms” and live the way you want because one person can change the world, or at least one person’s world. And you’re changing people’s lives every single day by being exactly who you are and not apologizing for it.-RWR reader

I received this in a private message last night after I posted my latest entry called I Don’t Chase After Anyone Anymore. I have to say that it must have struck a nerve with a lot of people because I received so many positive comments. Both public and private. I’m overwhelmed by my reader’s message to me. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, I write the things that many people feel. I’m not afraid to say them though. I do this so that others don’t have to.

I oftentimes second guess myself and wonder if my words make a difference. Then I receive a message from a sweet young woman that is trying to find her way in this big bad world. The thing she doesn’t realize though I’m not so young anymore, I’m doing the same thing. I’m still trying to find my worth and my way. I’m trying to find where I fit in. How to leave my mark. What I can do to make this world a better place not only for me but for others.

With my young reader’s words and the sign she sent me, she made me realize that I have left my mark. I’ve left it in her heart. I’ve helped her realize that being “normal” is boring. That we must create our own normal. I hope I keep inspiring others along with myself. There’s still a lot of work to be done.

I read the message to Roger Darling last night and tears were streaming down my face. He asked me why I was crying. I told him because this is all I ever wanted to do. I wanted to inspire. He told me it wasn’t the first time I’d heard that I had changed someone by what I’d written. And it most certainly won’t be the last. Damn do I love that man.

I think my next post is going to be about a mind altering blow job, so watch out! Happy Sunday and Happy Veteran’s Day.