Yesterday started with a lemon meringue protein bar, hard tack, and assorted pieces of melon. You have no idea how good it felt to chew that dry cracker, wash it down with hot coffee and chase it with sweet and cold melon. I ate a hard boiled egg too, but that’s not so exciting as that will be part of my daily diet for at least the next 26 weeks.
I made ground turkey with some Mrs. Dash multi blend sans salt and weighed out exactly 5.5 oz. for lunch. I have this groovy air fryer and roasted cauliflower, broccoli, and shredded carrots. I threw a little olive oil on them and air fried those bitches. They melted in my mouth when I ate them for lunch. I still felt queasy and shaky, but as the day progressed, I found I wasn’t craving sugar and some of my energy was returning.
At home last night, I air fried three chicken breasts while I made dinner for myself and quickly gulped my meal down before heading out to an AA meeting. I was going to see the ladies from my home group for the first time in two months and though I was excited to see them all, I was also quite nervous.
My AA sponsor checked in with me to make sure I’d be there and I promised her I would. I had placed my Big Book from the Brighton Center for Recovery in my purse, chatted with my daughter for two minutes about her day, then headed out the door into the cold winter night. I hadn’t cleaned the steps from the last snowfall so I did my best to tread carefully.
A half hour later I was sitting in the church parking lot, rocking out to old school beats on 105.1. My anxiety was still there but I felt pretty good so I walked in and I’ll be damned if the meeting hadn’t already started. My sponsor pointed to a chair next to her and she hugged me after I sat down. One of my other sober sisters gave me a hug and whispered Happy New Year in my ear. I tell you, I almost cried.
We rolled through the readings of the meeting, we said our memorized parts with ease and then we began the Big Book study. I was the first to read, but before I did anything, I said, my name is Renee, and I’m an alcoholic. My sister’s responses to me were, hello Renee. I read my part and then said, pass. My sponsor rubbed my back and said, I love you girl, then we turned our attention back to our individual books.
I absorbed every word or Bill W.’s story as if it were mine. I shook my head when it echoed my story, and I shook my head when my sisters told their stories. I shared my feelings of having missed my home group meetings for the last two months. I shared the tumultuous health issues that landed me in the hospital, the now ex-boyfriend, the fear of losing my job, the buying of a house and the subsequent move. The shittiness I always feel at the holidays, and finally the saving grace of the job and the boss I love.
I left the meeting last night feeling spiritually full, and somewhat hopeful. My stomach was full too, and I was grateful to be on a healthy eating plan that I know is going to make me feel better.
That is until I woke up at 3:30 this morning and knew that the cleanse I had been on was finally working. God always seems to say ha in the middle of the night doesn’t He?
Today is a new day and though I’m tired and shaky, I’ll eat my healthy food, and continue on this path, knowing that I’m finally heading in the right direction.
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