Tuneful Thursday-Hard to Handle

Hard to Handle

Yes, I am. The only man that can do it is my Roger Darling. Now get up and shake your ass to the Black Crowes. I’m dancing in my office and catching up after a stressful couple of months. Dear God, let me keep my focus!

Ooohhh look, shiny! Squirrel! Wanna pet my doggie???? FOCUS!!!

By the way, I’m switching some shit up. Don’t like it, bite my ass. Hahahahahah! Happy Thursday my loves.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Surgery

Renee and Heidi JoThat’s me and my Heidi Jo. She knew I wasn’t feeling well last night, so she stuck to me like Velcro. She laid on my tummy to keep it warm. Must be she knew exactly where I hurt.

I decided to become a comedian!

I should have known what I was in for when the nurse asked me to pee in a cup before she could prep me for surgery. I looked at her and said, “Seriously. I had a sterilization procedure over a year ago. I’m not pregnant.” She laughed and replied, “Honey, just give me three drops.” She left and I locked the door. I sat there for about five minutes willing myself to go. I gave her nothing, nada, zip and zilch.

I headed back to Amy with my empty cup. She just laughed at me. She said, “Let’s get you prepped and then try again. I told her, “I’ve got nothing left in me. I swear.” I proceeded to hold up my fingers in a Girl Scout salute. Our conversation went to hell from there. I took off my clothes and put on my gown. I could only reach the draw string around my neck, so that’s the only one I tied. Yes, my ass was hanging out, but I was going to be lying down so I didn’t care.

Amy brought blankets that had been warmed in an oven. I told her, “Bless you honey, cuz I’m freezing my ass off!” I put my hands underneath the blanket to warm my veins. I wanted them to be ready for the IV Amy was going to shove in my hand. As she’s doing her thing, Dr. P the anesthesiologist introduced himself. He was sweet and friendly. He harassed Amy in a loving way as she flitted around the room. I told him “Thank you, you’re very nice.” The nurse said “I’d like that comment in writing please.” I told Dr. P, “Come back and I’ll gladly write it down.” I gave him a bright smile. He said to Amy, “See, she has good taste.” Amy replied, “She’s being nice because you’re going to give her good drugs.” I laughed uproariously. The whole damn room could hear me.

There were more nurses to greet me, an intern working with Dr. K and the doctor herself. I love that woman. She’s about 5’1″. She’s energy, light and fire. I love her matter of factness. She’s a dream. She signs off on my surgery band and heads to her locker to take off her coat and hat.

Amy comes back and sticks my hand with a light dose of Lidocain, then inserts the IV. I told her not to go digging around in my vein or I might have to slap her. She giggled at me. I told her I was serious. As she was taping the IV down her nose started to run. I said, “Oh honey let it drip. It’s not the worst thing I’ve had on my hand.” She replied, “Just don’t go digging around, right?” I said, “Amy, if you start digging in your nose, I’ll throw up.” She told me, “Stop making me laugh so hard or my nose will start running all over your hand.” I answered back, “Ewwwwwww you’re gross!”
She hooked me up to the IV bag and let the fluids run fast. I still needed to pee. I grabbed my cup and asked Amy to tie up my gown. She called me a brazen hussy. I replied, “How did you know!?” She said she needed to get me an IV pole. I yelled across the room, “Be careful now I might have to dance around it.” The woman across from me laughed. I’m glad she did too, because two minutes before that she had the most distraught look on her face. She was talking to her daughter that was going to have surgery. I could see she was putting on a brave face, but she was nervous as hell.

I took my pole and cup with me to the bathroom. Finally peed, washed my hands and headed back to my bed. Sitting in the chair next my bed was my rock. My Roger Darling. Amy helped me with my IV and covered me back up. I looked at RD and said, “My nurse had the nerve to call me a brazen hussy because I told her I was going to dance on my IV pole.” He laughed and shook his head. Said, “Babe even before surgery, you can be a nut. He heard the other patients and care givers laughing at me and he gave me the warmest smile. He asked, “Are you okay?” I replied, “Yep, I’m ready for good drugs and good night.”

Dr. K stopped by and said she was ready. She chatted with Roger, he kissed my lips, and headed out to the waiting area. Dr. K said, “He’s so chill. So calm.” I told her, “Yes, he is my rock. My other half. My friend.” They wheeled me to OR 1. As we entered the room they said they would draw the shades. I told Dr. K, “Good. I don’t need everyone seeing my hoo hoo.” She laughed at me and said, “You’re a funny woman.” I replied, “Yep, now give me drugs.” They did and I was gone.

I woke up an hour later to the sweet sound of my nurse, Molly telling me it was time to wake up. I didn’t want to though. I was dreaming. Of what I don’t remember, but it was good. I think it was anyway. Now I’m home and resting. Taking care to write and read. Nothing more. Results will be in by the end of the week. Here’s hoping it’s not the big C. And if it is, it’s only a little c.

Fancy a Brew?

Thank you my dear friend The Reclining Gentleman for the tag. I love coffee. It is a necessary evil in my life. It works to keep me focused because of ADHD. If I didn’t drink it, I’d be even more crazy than I already am. 🙂

1) How many cups of coffee per day? At least three cups. Starbucks dark roast preferably.

2) What is your favourite caffeine delivery system? Coffee of course. I’ll drink Coke Zero though. Yum!

3) What was your best cup of coffee? My favorite coffee is Komodo Dragon dark roast from Starbucks. It is bitter and earthy. Add a little ground cinnamon and I’m in Heaven.

4) What was your worst cup of coffee? Oh hell, I don’t know. Probably the gas station we stopped at a few years ago when we were driving to Florida to go to Disney World. It looked like old bathwater and tasted like burnt bacon. Sure, I’d love to drink the bathwater of Ryan Gosling or Johnny Depp, but not in my coffee. GROSS!!!

5) What does your favourite mug say? LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE. What else would you expect from a fiery wench such as moi?

Live Laugh Love

At work, I use a mug that’s covered in flowers, because I’m such a dainty maiden. I need one that’s animal print though. I’m sure  it would go better with my goofy personality. Or maybe I can find one that has the F word repeated all over it. Roger Darling would love that I’m sure.

6) How do you take your coffee? Caramel syrup, real cream, and two Sweet and Low. My dear husband tells me I’m high maintenance. Even with my coffee. I do believe he is right.

7) When was your first cup? I was a latchkey kid, so probably when I was 8 or 9. I was always sneaky and doing things I shouldn’t. Hell, I started smoking when I was 13.

8) Have you ever gone on a coffee tea date? Yes, with Roger Darling of course. And a few of my girlfriends. Starbucks is a favorite place to hang out. It’s nice to sit and chat with a dark roast, Venti.

Now who will I bring into the clatch, hmmmmm? Carolyn, Sheri, Benjamin, CharlieZero1, Ajay and Seyi. Happy Monday to all of you. Now go out there and enjoy a cup. Then write, write, write!!!!!

Happy New Year, A Video Blog

Fierce

2013 is going to start out with surgery. On my uterus for the love of Bob! I was so hoping that 2013 would be a little less stressful. At least the beginning of it. I was at my pre-op appointment today. I was shaking; scared. My blood pressure was a little high. I was panicky. I hate that I didn’t have much control of myself. The doctor reassured me that what she was going to do was, routine.

“That’s awesome”, I said. “But for me, it isn’t.” She put her hand on my arm and replied, “Let’s do the procedure, check the pathology and move on from there. Okay?” I sighed and shook my head up and down.

She explained the procedure. A D and C. I’m not describing it here. Google it if you need to know more. To let you know, it is because I have pre-cancerous cell growth in my uterus. Yes, I’m worried. But I will do my very best to keep a smile on my face and enjoy the pain meds.

I did have a tiny bit of comic relief as I tried to walk out the door of the doctor’s office. I thought the door was automatic and I smacked right into the damn thing. Of course the receptionists saw me. They laughed and so did I. I turned to them and said, “Happy New Year!” Then cackled like an idiot as I pushed the door open and exited. I laughed so hard, I cried.

2012 has not been my best year. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been good. Some days have been, anyway. The wedding for my daughter and son in law was Heavenly. But my marriage has been turbulent. My body has been rebellious. Though I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight, I have dealt with chronic pain and other health issues. Some friendships have endured. Others have disappeared. I have been lucky enough to forge many new heart connections though. It’s what I thrive on. Connection. And Roger Darling and I are doing well.

I have found a new passion. A new love. It is writing. It is everything to me. I have found a home. A place where I can be myself. I’m not normal. Nor do I want to be. I like being ridiculous. Fun. Silly. Morose. High. Low. Backwards and frontwards too.

Okay, enough of the sad shit. Let’s talk about resolutions. Yeah, I know. Most of us don’t keep them for more than a week or two. But here’s hoping I create a couple of good habits out of the ever expanding list of shit I need to fix.

Use an inside voice (YES I TEND TO SPEAK VERY LOUDLY. ESPECIALLY WHEN I’M EXCITED. Which is most of the time.)

Be less impulsive (Yeah, right. I’m not even going to be able to do this for one day!)

Be less sarcastic (See my comment above. It ain’t gonna happen, but a girl can hope.)

Have more fun.

Grow out my hair. (What the fuck was I thinking when I cut it? I wasn’t. I was being IMPULSIVE!)

Dance more.

Fix my shitty singing voice. (I used to have the voice of angel. Now I sound like a rusty door hinge.)

Smile more. (I like smiling. Smiling is my favorite.-Buddy the Elf)

Cry less. (I cry every day. And if I write a sad love story, I bawl when I do a read through. It’s a wonder I don’t short out my keyboard!)

Write. (Write, write, write, and then write some more!)

Be proud of myself.

Feel less shame.

Love more.

Love myself more.

Wear my tiaras more often. (I’m not a princess. I’m a queen and I’ve got this shit handled!)

Run (And get Roger Darling to run with me. (Some women weren’t meant to be tamed. Blah, blah, blah. It’s a quote from Sex and the City. Look it up.)

Behave myself and show less boob. (I know this will NOT change. I added this to the list for RD. I’m a crazy woman. It’s what I do.)

Stop saying fuck so much. (Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck am I thinking???? I think I can do this. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.)

Take a creative writing class or four. (This is a must. I’m writing a book. Yeah, I know. But really, I am!!!)

Stop doubting myself. (I seem so confident. It’s bullshit. I’m working on it though.)

So that’s it, and may 2013 be your best year yet. I hope it’s everything you want it to be. Here’s hoping mine is better after I have surgery on January 7. I hope they find nothing wrong and I can move the hell forward. When the clock strikes midnight and you hear the strains of Auld Lange Syne in the air, you’ll also feel my kiss. And you’ll hear my silly horse laugh. I thank you for following me. For cheering me on. And tearing me down when I needed it.

Love and kisses, Sparkly Girl

200 Likes on my Author Page Makes Me Dance!

David-Guetta-Titanium-4-Somanymp3s.com_

You shout it loud, but I can’t hear a word you say
I’m talking loud, not saying much
I’m criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up

I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away
you shoot me down, but I won’t fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won’t fall
I am titanium

I was super excited when I came home last night. Seems while I was at a family party I received my 200th like on my Facebook author page.

https://www.facebook.com/ReneeHomanHeathBlogGoddess

I’m a shameless self-promoter so go to my page and like me dammit. If you aren’t on FB then you can click like on the FB side bar of my bloggy. I think I get to use more options on my page, the more likes I get. Hell, I don’t know I’m a blonde bombshell that’s kind of a ditz brain. I might not get shit. I might get a bigger ego and think I’m better than I truly am. My head is already enormous and I’m an attention seeker so that is not a good thing!!! By the way, you will get updates in your news feed from me and you will be alerted when I post new stories.

I’m working on a New Year’s resolution post right now. I think I’ll video blog it. Probably wearing a tiara and a low cut shirt. Don’t worry I promise to wear pants. I swear to God I won’t sing! Maybe I’ll do the Wobble. We’ll see.

I know how I am. The resolutions will last about a week and then I’ll be back to my old self. That damn F word will creep into my vocab and I’ll start writing sad love stories again. Ugh I have to stop that shit!!! One I have to stick to is the gym. I gotta go five days a week and train for a 5K. Gotta, gotta, gotta.

Another resolution I will stick to will be growing my hair out. What the hell was I thinking when I chopped it all off? Sure I wanted to look like a demented Tinker Bell and sprinkle pixie dust everywhere, but I sure do miss having my hair pulled. Wait! What the hell did I just say??? God, I must apologize. Wink, wink.

I’m off to make some banana bread, drink coffee, dance in my skivvies, and read a treatment by my cute pal,  Al. He’s going to be a movie star someday. I just know it. He promised to take me for a trip down the red carpet when he is. I’m crossing my fingers, toes, and vajayjay that his dream will come true. This girl would LOVE to be photographed by the Paparazzi. I’ll do a Marilyn pose for sure.

Enjoy your Sunday and dance in your living room to the video I posted in my entry. You shoot me down, but I won’t fall. I am Titanium. OUCH, I think I just broke a hip!

Later my Loves. XOXOXOOXOXXO

Trying to Find my Happiness at Christmas

Christmas Jack

I want it, oh, I want it
Oh, I want it for my own
I’ve got to know
I’ve got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?
Christmas Town, hmm…
I’m not a big fan of Christmas anymore. The music is horrid and Roger Darling insists on listening to it from the beginning of November till December 26th. It’s all this sparkly girl can do to keep from cutting herself every time I have to ride in his car with him. If you’ve read me for very long you know I’m passionate about a few things. Okay, I’m passionate about everything. But music is my biggest passion. However movies are another. And of course there’s the lovely Sally and Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Sally is my alter ego. In my heart beats the musings and music of a pretty dead girl. Don’t ask me why. Some things can’t be explained, nor should they be.
I love the movie, the music, and the love story. For someone so loud and shiny, I can be quite morose. This time of year especially. I was trying to think of a song to cheer me up. Then this silly picture of Jack came up in my FB newsfeed. I knew the song I had to post up. What’s This from TNBC. Of course! I watched the video this morning and sang along. Christmas time began to buzz in my skull and I was happy. I do know the reason for the season. But it seems so many others have forgotten. I’m not trying to be sacrilegious with my post. I’m only trying to find my happy place. Of course it would come in the form of Jack and Sally. Now it’s time for this Sparkly Girl to get ready to head to Sis’s place for dinner and a crazy White Elephant gift exchange.
Merry Christmas from my family to yours. Much love to you all. Eat and drink too much and then take a shit ton of Mylanta to settle your stomach. XOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX

A Broken Hoo Hoo, A Wedding, and A Funeral

20336-22

Fuck, I need to be at the beach right now!

I’ve had a broken hoo hoo for at least six weeks. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say it hasn’t been pretty.  I called my awesome ob/gyn over a month ago. The nurse responded that I was probably in peri-menopause and what I was going through was normal. She was quite the bitch to me. You don’t know how badly I wanted reach through the phone and slap her. I decided to wait another week and call back if my symptoms didn’t change.

Fast forward a week and of course the symptoms were still the same. Since Meggie was getting married soon, I decided I didn’t want to end up in a hospital in Mexico having a hysterectomy. I called the doctor again, explained my plight and they scheduled an appointment for me ASAP.

I was sure what the problems was. I had gained back a few pounds so I probably didn’t ovulate. I’d be given a prescription for Provera. I’d have to take it for ten days, bleed profusely and then all would be right with my body again. Yippee!!!!!

During my exam, the doctor and I chatted about the impending wedding. She couldn’t believe one of the first babies she was involved in delivering was old enough to get married. She biopsied my uterus and gave me an internal ultra-sound. Throughout the exam she assured me everything looked good. But she had to do all of these tests to rule out cancer and infections. There it was, the C word.

I told her that this crap was putting a serious crimp in my sex life. And we needed to fix it STAT! The doctor laughed hysterically at me. I giggled right with her. I checked out with a scrip for Provera, with plans to pick it up along with a crap ton of feminine products on my way home from work. It was just like I thought, my body was rebelling from the weight gain. Yeesh!

Imagine my surprise when I received a call from my doctor the Friday after my appointment. She informed me that there was a concern about abnormal cell growth in my uterus. Of course cancer was discussed. It appears that the cell growth is pre pre cancer. Of course I am afraid. I’m trying to be strong and smile through it. I’m a positive person, even if I am a snarky, sarcastic bitch sometimes.

I told Roger Darling about it. He’s a supportive partner, but I know he’s scared too. I have to have surgery in January. Here I was hoping that 2013 was going to be a better year. I pray that it will be even with this little kink in my uterus.

In one more week we’ll be in Miami, we’ll board a cruise ship and head to Key West for Meg and Chris’s wedding. I can’t wait to get out of this town and put my toes in the sand. Maybe it will change my fear to happiness. I know the way I am. I will smile through it and enjoy my time with my daughter and new son in law. However the fear will creep back in when I’m alone and my mind is racing. I’ll shed a few tears in private too.

A dear cousin of ours died suddenly and we have to attend his funeral today. It’s so sad that as we get older the only time  we ever see family is at a wedding or a funeral. I want to be joyous about the upcoming wedding, but we must get through some sadness first.

Such is life after all. Such is life.

2012 Blog of the Year, Er, How the Hell Did This Happen???

Blog of the Year Award 2 star jpeg

I try my best to throw myself into my writing on the days when I hurt. It seems my best work comes from those days when it rains in my heart.-Me

Thank you so, so much to Moonbeam McQueen and Cristi Moise for their nominations. Love, hugs and kisses to both of you. I thank you for your support. I fucking love you all so damn much!!!

It’s been almost a year since I started this silly blog of mine. It has evolved. I have too.  I’m not even sure who I am anymore. I like this new person I’ve become though. I do. I’m proud of the words that I write. The goofy and sometimes profound things I say. The music, the madness, the dirty stories, and the friends I’ve made. This is quite a community. I’m so pleased to be a part of it. I love to write. Everything. Everything. Everything. This is my calling.

I have been nominated for over 20 awards this year. Over 20! Five just last week. I need a trophy case! Growing up, I was the girl that was always picked last for sports and I never won anything. I was the weird girl. The drama girl. The musician. The loud girl that was looking for attention and someone to love me. I had huge boobs too. That’s about all I had going for me. Fortunately I married a wonderful man. Had great children. Made a good life. There was sadness and depression in this life too. Addiction.

That’s how all of this started. I was transforming; evolving. I was losing 150 lbs and re-discovering myself. As a woman. Not just a wife and mother. But a woman. I was learning that I was viable and vibrant. Beautiful. I shared my story and found that it was the story of so many others. We’re all going through our own lives of quiet desperation. I’m not trying to sound arrogant when I say I’m beautiful. I never thought I was. I still struggle with it. I totally get it when P!nk sings, Don’t Let Me Get Me. I’m prone to self-destruction. Madness even. Here, in this sphere though, I feel safe. Normal. It is my haven.

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
Can’t take the person staring back at me

I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
It’s bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t want to be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

The Rules:

  • Select the blogs you think deserve the ‘Blog of the Year 2012 Award’.
  • Write a post and tell about the blogs you have chosen and present them with their award.
  • Please include a link back to this page and include these rules (do not alter the rules or the badges).
  • Let the blogs you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the rules with them.
  • Click on my Facebook page on the right hand side of my blog
  • As a winner of the award – please add a link back to the blog that presented you with the award – and then proudly display the award on your blog and sidebar … and start collecting stars…

The groovy thing about this award is you can give it to as many bloggers as you want. My list is long and probably doesn’t include everyone that is should. If I’ve forgotten you, I’m sorry. Also you can win this award up to six times, so pay it forward. And send it back to me if ya want. Wink, wink.

So here goes:

The Wanderer’s Thoughts: Because she writes beautiful poetry that melts my heart.

Boomie Bol: Because every word she writes is like music.

As Long as I’m Singing: Because he is my brother. He is. Well, I wish he was anyway.

Brainsnorts: Because he’s sarcastic and funny. Most of the time. I love every word he writes.

Tales of a Charm City Chick: Because she’s damn hilarious and beautiful too.

Christopher De Voss: Because he’s damn funny and gorgeous too.

Dean J. Baker: Because he was one of my first followers and his poetry makes me swoon.

You Know You’re Borderline When: Because she taught me that it was okay to be BPD.

Worldly Winds: Because I’m a sucker for beautiful poetry.

Breathtaking Portraits: Because I like pretty pictures of, everything.

Kyle Mew: Because there’s nothing like reading the lustful words of a dirty poet.

Susan Daniels Poetry: Because her poetry speaks to my soul.

Lead.Learn.Live.: Because David loves my potty mouth and thinks I rock. Oh and I think he rocks too.

Rincewind Erotixx: Because I love pin up style photography. And I think the female form is beautiful. Just beautiful.

Stories by Williams: Matt gave me one of my first award noms. Plus he’s a sci fi geek. And I just love me some sci fi.

Mind Retrofit 7:  Her poetry is cosmic and mystical. Stars, moons and clouds are some of my favorite things.

Oyia Brown: Because she writes everything well. And she reblogs me. I love it. It warms my heart.

jensinewall: I love her photos, observations and writing.

Cat Forsley: She is a beautiful poet. A songwriter too. I know that if we lived closer, we’d be fast friends.

The Change You Life Blog: Because Stu was one of my first followers and has turned into a dear friend.

Just a Thought: Because her poetry is sad and dark. And she loves P!nk, just like me.

A Thin Girl: I love Susannah’s tag line, never judge a girl by her weight. She’s funny, sad, sarcastic, and all kinds of other good things. She makes me long to live in NYC.

Paula Acton: Because she is brilliant and British. I love her writing. Plus she wears her hair in a Pixie, just like me.

The Reclining Gentleman: I just know he’s young, dashing and handsome. He makes me kinda tingly with his writing.

You Jivin’ Me Turkey: I followed this guy because he’s a quotes whore and so am I. I have found him to be so much more though. He’s a charmer and a sweet, sweet man. I long to share a cozy couch, 80’s movies and popcorn with him.

20 Days and Hanging with the Bachelorette

Phone call from Meggie last Sunday morning.

So, honey how do you feel?

Like I’ve been hit by a truck. My face looks like I’ve been hit by a truck too. But dammit my hair still looks good!

Ah the much beloved bachelorette party for my daughter. Damn did we have some fun. I took no photographs of the debauchery because, well, it’s nobody’s fucking business. I do have to say that I was glad to be part of the festivities. I helped the bridesmaids decorate for the party. No, we did not use condoms as balloons. We had a tropical theme since Meg’s getting married on a beach in Key West. We do have a little class. Except for the fact that the party goers drank 4 dollar bottles of wine and rum punch that looked like Tidy Bowl toilet cleaner. We do have a little class. I helped with the food too. We had to make sure the party goers had something in their stomachs to soak up the booze.

We had dinner first at Mongolian Barbecue. I love that place. It’s so damn loud there. We laughed at the grillers as they sang to the bride to be, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye. They made her wear a veil of tin foil and paper towel. One of the grillers hit on her. Told her he wished he’d met her before she got engaged. As she was walking back to the table she told M, “he doesn’t remember, but I met him a few years ago at a frat party.” Ah well, some men are just stupid players. So stupid they don’t remember someone that they hit on a few years back at a party.

By the end of dinner my ADHD was in high gear from the sights and sounds of the restaurant. The clanging of the griller’s metal cooking utensils on the circular grill. The noise of our silly conversations. The droning voices of the other diners. The music, the bright lights, all of it was dizzying. I told my friends and Meggie, “there’s no way in hell I could work here. I’d lose my ever loving mind!” Meggie and I shared a deep-fried Oreo. I think I gained four pounds on the spot. I looked at my girl next to me, told her, “thank you for letting me be a part of your last hurrah.” She said, “of course Mom. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I rode back to our home town with L. She and I have been besties for 30 years. She told me about her impending divorce. About wanting to find someone new. That it was so damn difficult. We laughed as we shared stories from the informal class reunion the night before. I told her, “I’m all grown up and when I stood in that bar last night, I felt like I did when I was 17. Like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.” She reiterated that she felt the same way too. I said, “maybe that’s why I never went to a reunion before. Because if I really wanted to hang out with any of the fuckers I wouldn’t have waited 25 years to do so.” L just laughed at me and shook her head.

Back at one of the bridesmaid’s houses we settled in for a sex toy party. Meg and I were the comedy team. The dirty things she and I talk about make some people blush. We don’t care really. It’s like a dare for us. Let’s see what the other can say to get someone to laugh or raise an eyebrow. One of my friends stuck a vibrator on my back. I looked at her and said, “don’t do that, it makes me hawt!” She looked at me and said, “girl you’re crazy.” “Of course I am”, I replied, “It’s one of the reasons why you love me.” She just smiled at me and nodded her head yes.

I watched the girls slowly get plastered. I watched them laugh uproariously at our antics. At the stories we shared. I think I told them not to have sex on a beach because they’ll get sand in their vagina and it will hurt like a mother! I took in the sight of these girls that I’ve known since they were young. I looked at them and realized they are all grown up. They are young, viable, productive adults. Saturday they were drunk and funny as fuck. I was glad I was there. I’m damn glad that my daughter and I have the kind of relationship where she isn’t embarrassed of me. That we are friends, even though we are mother and daughter.

Believe me, the friends thing didn’t happen till she was out of the house. Even now I can switch back to Bitch Mom in a heartbeat. And she can switch back to Bitch Daughter just as quick. These last 20 days are going to fly by. Roger Darling and I need to pack so we can head to Florida and get on a ship. Meggie’s life will be forever changed on this trip and so will ours. For the good. Most assuredly for the good.

Do Whatever the Fuck You Were Gonna Do Anyway

Today I’m home sick. Terrible headache, sore jaw, tooth ache. No, I was not out giving blow jobs to random men. I was at the dentist yesterday having a cavity filled and I also had a flu shot this week. I feel like I have a jackhammer banging the shit out of my temples. My body aches and I have the chills. I feel fabulous!

I posted the fact that I was going to the dentist to have a cavity filled. One of my readers left the comment on my page that he’d fill one of my cavities for me. When I read it, I laughed so damn hard I cried! Thank you BC for the joke, I was hoping someone would say it!!!!

I saw the quote above from RDJ yesterday and it kinda snapped me back to reality. I’ve been such a whiny baby bitch lately, I was beginning to get on my own nerves. You know it’s time to check yourself when that happens. So it’s back to romantic stories, poetry, some erotica and journal entries. No more whining if I can avoid it.

After talking to one of my Angels, I was reminded that life is life. It can be good or bad. We need to make the best of it. We need to be positive, supporting and loving. Of the people in our lives, but to ourselves too. Shit happens. Shit doesn’t happen. It’s life.

Now I need a nap because I’m sick. I have a book chapter to write later. I have a life to live. I have a daughter getting married. Oh, and I have dog pee to clean up off from the damn floor. Then I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to do.

I leave you with the meme below. I know, I’m such a sweetie. But don’t fuck with me. Hahahahahahahahahhaha! Later my loves.