When we were little girls we were told to be ladylike. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Let the boy come to you. When we were grown, we were told to find a man to take care of you. Be a delicate flower. Be thin. Be anything but yourself. Don’t eat on a date. Don’t drink too much. Blend in. Be the wallflower. Be demure. Be, be, be, but don’t be you.
I was never the quiet girl. I was never the one to follow the crowd. I was the unicorn. The girl with the big boobs that weighed 150 lbs. and was thought of as fat. The one that decided rebellion was a good thing. I laughed too loud. I swore a lot. I drank, smoked cigarettes and weed, but I was the good girl too. And did I LOVE boys! I wore clothes to reflect my mood for the day. I didn’t belong to any group or clique. Just flitted from clique to clique like a butterfly lighting on the blooms in a garden. I belonged everywhere and nowhere, and that was okay.
As I get older, the butterfly that flitted from group to group is tired and looking for a home. I still belong everywhere and nowhere. I think part of it is because I was adopted and might still be feeling lost from that. It’s not healthy to be feeling abandoned at this age. I know that this thought is of my own making, and I have to be the one that steps away from that sorry and into the light.
So today I say fuck the fuckers, and use my loud voice. I’m the girl with the big boobs. I’m the girl that is not the typical beauty. I’m not a delicate flower, nor do I want to be. I want to be the girl that rages against the dying of the light. It’s time for me to be, be, be and to the real me. I am a goddess rising, a butterfly and a unicorn. I’m not just a manic pixie dream girl, hell bent on being the sidekick.
I’m the dreamer and the dream, in charge of my own destiny. So what if I say fuck, a lot!?
Renee Writes Here 
❤️
I love it when you say fuck, and I believe in you and your dream.
At last, the heart is tiring, weary of a world crucifying your life to its whims. The signal to become angry, scream, cry and just curl in a ball and say ‘enough’.
And that my beautiful friend is the starters gun, your signal to begin a wisdom like no other, begin a search for something that has meaning ‘for you’, not the expectations of this world or even your expectations.
You’ve had enough of this meaningless wander and your heart is beginning to move, breaking free of those walls we always held dear, but now realise are in fact what is suffocating us.
Take a step Renee, towards something for you. Something that does have worth and meaning, another path that no longer gives those feelings from before.
Do it with that knowing that at last you love you for exactly who you are, no longer needing permission to walk this path. You are your own lover, hold your heart as you would with another, and never feel that isolation again.
Choose and be free ❤
PREACH!