Kiss Your Own Fingertips


I’ve forgotten what it’s like to love myself.

To look at myself in the mirror and see beauty instead of flaws.

I’ve forgotten how to love myself.

To touch my flabby and cellulite covered skin and not hate it.

To rub my own feet with thick lotion and not wish that the heels were softer.

To hold my hips and wish I could remove all of the fat inside of them.

To trace my wrinkled hands across my ample breasts and hope that someday a man will behold their beauty again.

To gaze at my face in the mirror and not see wrinkles, but amaze at the brightness of my blue eyes and the perfect symmetry of my lips.

I’ve forgotten how to love myself.

To find that little girl that resides inside and tell her that she’s going to be okay.

That she is loved.

That she is free.

That she is important.

I’ve forgotten how to love myself, but I do hope in time I’ll be able to again.

10 thoughts on “Kiss Your Own Fingertips

  1. Oh you will kind lady, I promise. It is that constant battering that is slowly forcing us to look deeper and deeper at all those fears to see what created them way back as children, for there is where it all began…a time where we were very young and emotionally immature and our coping strategies were to put up a wall because it was all we knew what to do. And as we got older we would slowly forget the real reason it was put up, we just knew we ‘didn’t want to go there’ because it is too painful.
    So my friend, look for that common theme in all your relationships, that ‘thing’ that always seems to come up and upset us to the core. It is there you must go. And from what you have said you have been in the wars a lot of late so It must be time, because we never reach this place unless it is very close to the surface, constantly pushing our buttons. Look deep kind lady, for in there is your freedom, that love we always seek. Keep asking yourself why these situations keep you feeling so upset, look back to where they started, those that you loved and looked up to in your youth. Your parents may seem like they were perfect, but look deeper, there is one thing that made you constantly feel rejected, worthless and even very unloved. That is where you must go. It isn’t easy, but it will set you free, that lifelong holding pattern will crumble like sand when you finally ‘see’ what it was built on.
    Big hugs my friend, you are going well. Believe in you, your nearly there ❤

      • As do we all kind lady…but to believe in something you must understand it. Some things we are not sure of like…if someone says they love you, you will not ‘understand’ that love until you ‘see’ it. As in, they give you flowers, send you beautiful messages or cook you a lovely meal. Then you understand it. But if they do none of these things, then it is difficult to ‘believe’.
        You cannot fully understand you until you ‘see’ what creates your fear. And the day that you see it, it will give such understanding and now a belief in your love for you, no longer having doubt or negative feelings of yourself because you have now truly understood what has kept it at bay. It is what in spirituality is called the ‘duality’. You are physically separate from your spiritual self, and also separate from your love…all because of that fear. But remember, it has great purpose, it holds you at bay so that you spend much of your life fighting for that love and belief of yourself, even though we spend our entire lives looking ‘out there’, it isn’t until we look within and find the reason for that constant separation, the ‘wall’ we put up in our youth that blocks that self love because of what it made us believe about ourselves…a rejection or treatment that reinforces that belief in ourselves that we are un-loveable.
        Find the truth of what created it in your childhood, that false ‘understanding’ that was mostly unintentionally forced onto you by those you loved and looked up to (because they were also brought up by ‘their’ parents who had had fears unintentionally passed on to them. You can see it in others where you say to them ‘your just like your mum/dad’) …and you will set free that heart you are looking for.
        It isn’t an easy journey Renee, but I swear with all my heart, it is constantly guiding you so that you WILL see and understand, and then appreciate all the more because of what you finally ‘understand’ is you…the real you gently waiting inside with a love that will change you forever ❤

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