To Remember touch More than Thought


“I remember that feeling of skin. It’s strange to remember touch more than thought. But my fingers still tingle with it.”-Lucy Christopher

My pulse quickened as Matt enclosed his left hand around my right. The intimacy of his actions brought a blush to my cheeks. Confused, I wanted to pull away but I craved the contact. Instead of retreating, I allowed his hand to engulf mine. My mouth went dry, as his thumb repeatedly caressed the palm of my hand.

I yielded to his touch, my heart slowed its thready beat, and I allowed myself to enjoy the closeness of my dear friend. He asked for nothing but my hand. He told me he loved me and how glad he was I came into his life. We grew silent, as his thumb continued to make lazy circles on my palm.

His was the first intimate touch I’d felt since I’d become sober. It wasn’t a sexual touch. I wasn’t sure how to label it, and honestly, I didn’t care to. In that five minutes, I felt more protected and loved than I had in a long time.

With our hands clasped, my friend silently asked nothing of me, but to love every broken, raw and damaged part of him. And in return, I asked him to do the same for me.

10 thoughts on “To Remember touch More than Thought

  1. Wow….it is amazing what we can feel after going through a time in our lives that shakes us to the core…and in the discovery of that love and empathy, we can ‘see’ so much more…where before was a wall 🙂
    Great start Renee, just follow that heart…it may have many scratches and scars, but it can now really ‘feel’ within BECAUSE of that journey. Be proud of it, your a survivor 🙂
    Thank you for sharing your heart 🙂 ❤

    • Thank you for the kind words Mark. I am so glad the words and feelings are coming back. Sometimes they are so raw that I feel like they’ll break me. In my AA community the ones that have come before me will support me, and those that come after me, I will support. Have a terrific day my friend. ❤

      • You too sunshine, just breeeeathe and allow YOU some time. That is what it is all about, to just love you…when you do that, it all begins to change.
        Not easy in the beginning, but you will slowly ‘see’ the change, and from deep within you will feel a smile that has never been there before, and this isn’t from your lips but from that beautiful place within.
        It will even annoy people because you are happy, for no damn reason whatsoever 😀
        You’ve done the hard bit Renee, now enjoy that truth you have discovered from this journey. It is now time to believe in you 🙂
        ((BigHugs)) xo

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