I am 32 Flavors and then some
I’m nobody, but I am someone
The last year of my addiction to alcohol had killed my love of music. Every time I listened to any song I would feel it so deeply that I would be left sobbing. If I couldn’t listen to music, I damn sure couldn’t write either. So in the last six months I fed my need for words by listening to NPR and the great Dave and Chuck the Freak morning show on 101.1 The WRIF in Detroit.
During detox and rehab we weren’t allowed to have our phones, so I was starved for information, morning radio shows, and finally, music. The few songs I did get to hear during that time made me cry, but there was no longer any deep seeded pain connected to it. The pain I felt was the itch and burn of healing to my tattered and war torn soul.
On the day I walked out of the Brighton Center of Recovery, the sun of early fall was shining. It lit my hair and my spirit on fire and I knew I was on the path to rebirth. I threw my suitcase in the backseat, and placed my ID and insurance card back into my wallet. I slid the keys into the ignition, turned the engine over, and rolled the windows down. As I drove out of the parking lot, I turned the radio up to 11, the wind caught my hair and I sang the words to whatever song that was playing on the radio.
I finally felt at home in the music, no matter if it was upbeat or a ballad. The words helpd incredible power! Not to hurt me, but to help me heal. Everyday I get closer to fine with the help of my IOP group, my AA community, my other Brighton alums, my friends and family and my music. Oh my fucking God, I am so incredibly blessed!
May you find peace and serenity today, and may you find joy in the little things in life.
Renee Writes Here 
Hail lovely lady, hail! I see you, and the beauty you have become within.
It may have been the hardest, most painful thing you endured in this world….but it has created the most beautiful lady in its place. A lady with the music of love.
Welcome home Renee…I truly do now see the real you, and the love that replaced what went before 🙂
Why thank you my friend. It is good to finally be at home in my own skin and life. Hope all is well with you.
Going well Renee, thank you. I’m looking forward to seeing your heart on these pages, they always shine with a good story…or do you think there may be a change within…and approach to your blog? 🙂
We go through some big things in our lives, and they all change us. Some things that had worth, no longer do….and others things that we weren’t interested in, suddenly become center stage. Maybe there’s a story in that 😀
Regardless, welcome back, it is good to ‘hear’ your voice 🙂
I get closer to fine … I’ve never thought of it that way. That’s a good goal… ‘Closer to fine… One step at a time’
I borrowed it from a song by the Indigo Girls. Life on Life’s Terms.
Music is healing in a way. Hope u find yr peace, it will take time but I’m here for you so take comfort in that even if it’s only by emails and far far far away 😆 love u girl.
I’m so glad you’re in my life, even though it’s virtual. You’re a good friend and I love you so. Give that puppy of yours some ear rubs for me. ❤️
Oh will do babe..
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Thank you so much for sharing my post Paula. I’m truly honored to know you. My words and stories are coming back to me. May they continue to swirl around my brain to help me create good posts. May they also help another addict find their way out of the darkness.
Yes beauty comes from within because trust me there are smoking hot bodies that have no real beauty due to their nasty inner thoughts and actions
I completely agree love. Just because a person has a pretty face and body it doesn’t guarantee that they have a pretty heart.