Journal Entry Monday-Straddling the Horizon

copyright-Tracy Rhodes

Copyright-Tracy Rhodes Photography

When I drove in to work this morning, I felt like I was straddling the horizon. The sunrise to the East, and the moon to the West. Stars settled on my shoulder and whisked pixie dust through my hair. I knew I was being reborn.

The last 30 days have been quite remarkable. Where do I even begin? I guess, I’ll begin at the beginning….

On September 26, I drove a completely packed UHaul to my new apartment. After I signed the lease and got the keys, I started lugging boxes. My friends arrived a couple of hours later and helped me drag the furniture up one flight of stairs. J bitched about having to drag the sofa bed up a flight. But with the help of my BFF’s teenage son, they got it moved with nary a broken fingernail between them. As a thank you, I took my moving crew out to dinner at a local Coney Island. The food was cheap and good. Our conversation lively and full of laughter. After the plates were cleared and the bill settled, I hugged my friends and headed home, alone.

Alone, that was what I wanted to be. I smiled at the prospect of it. The sense of it too. I’d never been alone my entire adult life, but I was anxious to begin my journey. After I arrived back at my place, I slipped a DVD into the player (Pretty in Pink) and started to unpack my treasures. Working tirelessly till about 1 am, I finally collapsed on my sofa bed and slept the sleep of the dead.

The next morning, I dragged my sleepy ass off the couch and drove to my local AT & T store. Seems my smart phone took a shit in the middle of the night so I had to get it replaced. Nick, my sales rep noticed my anxiety about the replacement fee of 250.00. He graciously waived it, set me up and shoved me out the door before 10 am when the cable/internet installer was to arrive at my apartment. Wonder of wonders, the cable guy showed up on time and I had cable and internet before noon. Thank God, because there is no way in hell I could live without Facebook or Word Press for more than 24 hours!

I won’t bore you with more details of settling in. Suffice is to say that it was pretty uneventful. A few leaks in the bathroom needed to be tended to by maintenance. My kitty, Cinders came to live with me. She’s a happy camper and good company. I hear from my children and ex-husband on a regular basis, and we’re all adjusting to the new ‘normal’.

Friends have wanted to come visit. I’m okay with it, but I enjoy my solitude. The quiet is welcoming and I let it envelope me. I read, write, shop, sleep, and buy my own flowers. I relish the times away, and revel in the time spent with myself. I’ve gotten the hang of budgeting my time and money. When my children call on me, I drop everything and go to them. It’s easier now to be a good mother without the rain cloud of unhappiness that used to follow me everywhere.

Roger Darling and I will always have a connection. We will be a family because we are parents to the two most incredible human beings I’ve ever known. Our Adam Boy and Meggie need us to be on the same team, even if we don’t live under the same roof. Our grown children may have suffered a setback or two with the newness of this life. But I think they’re getting the hang of it.

I’ll continue to broaden and straddle that new horizon, every damn day that I have the good fortune to wake up. To make heart connections, and make new friends. Who knows, maybe someday with God’s good grace a new man will enter my life. One that will love me with all my brokenness. He’ll place his hand on the shattered pieces, making me stronger than I’ve ever been. I’ll hold his hand, and we’ll walk that horizon together.

Until then, I’ll enjoy the solitariness. And live. Maybe I’ll even go to London. In the springtime. I bet it’s lovely that time of year. I have to research a book. A tragic romance. About a young writer that falls for a drug addicted poet…….

36 thoughts on “Journal Entry Monday-Straddling the Horizon

    • It pained me to break apart my family, but I think we’ll all be better for it in the long run. I love them. Even my ex. I want nothing but the best for all of us.

      Thank you for your kind comment.

      Love, Renee

  1. Sitting wiyh a smile reading this, I know it hasn’t been easy for you or your family but am so proud that you made this leap to make you happy. Enjoy life. And usually I would say go to London but screw that, come to Prague instead Lol

  2. moving on is always bitter sweet. I enjoyed my time alone. It let me focus. But I am now happy to have a new love in my life, one that has a deeper feeling to it. Embrace every moment, every new experience.

      • just a little warning. love will bite you when you are not looking. Live every moment and forget about looking for that someone. When the moment is right it will just happen. That is always how it works the best. We look and we find but what we find is perfect in the moment. When we stop looking and just start living, that is when someone shows up in our life who just fits the life we are living already. And love becomes easy. And easy is good

      • Loneyheart,

        That sounds like the best kind of love there is. The type that sneaks up on you, taps you on the shoulder and whispers in your ear….. I’ll wait for that kind of love. I’m in no hurry.

        Love, Renee

  3. Hmmm, researching a book, eh? Sounds like the perfect excuse for going to London. I’m sorry for the circumstances that brought you to this point, but I hope your time alone will jump start the healing process.


  4. Just curious. WHy do you need a man to walk the horizon. Do you often stradle before learning how to walk through it? That is like try to drive across the country without a budget or road map and no energency roadside service either. The horizon is a pretty big place. Persoanlly I being strong or equal would not marry you great for an affair or weaker man then you but a you are stronger is all that would be available here. Facing the horizon is one thing but stradling it and needing help?? You will marry in failure again not beliivng in yoruself more.

    • I don’t need a man to live my life. But someday I hope that I have a partner. If that never happens, I will be content to be on my own. I’m learning to love myself, everyday.

  5. Powerful stuff here.
    AnElephant is unaware of the back ground so he just wishes you well in your new adventure.
    Your writing is impressive, he has no fears for you.
    And if not London, perhaps Provence au printemps?

    • Thank you my lovely AnElephant. The background is I’m recently separated after being married for a long, long time. I’m learning to love myself and be on my own.

      I’m honored your think my writing is good. Where is Provence au printemps? Will I need to speak French? If so, I’m screwed. I’m an Ugly American, fluent in sarcasm.

      Love, Renee

      • Provence is a region of southern France where AnElephant lives. On the Mediterranean. Au printemps means in the springtime. You have no need for sarcasm here, it is too beautiful. Even AnElephant finds peace of mind and soul in paradise.

      • Sounds like a beautiful place to visit. I’ve always wanted to swim in the Mediterranean. I’ve always been in search of paradise. Maybe Provence will be where I find it…..

        Love, Renee

  6. Hi Renee,

    Thanks for your visit this morning and I thought I was following you, but I wasn’t…WP has been offering me many glitches, as I don’t receive posts from all who I do follow. Anyway, I’m following you now and I can’t seem to stay caught up so I don’t know personally know what you’ve been going through, but based on this, you’ve moved on..I love your quote “I hope someday I’ll love again, Til then, I’ll live.” That is just beautiful and I wish I had thought of it for a future poem! πŸ™‚
    It sounds like you have strength and perseverance and a wonderful attitude and those are all key to surviving changes, especially those that aren’t so pleasant. I follow your page on fb and have seen some of your posts and will continue…anyway, I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to enjoy my world whenever you stop by. Lauren xx

    • Thank you, thank you, thank you for such positive comments. You are more than welcome to use the words, β€œI hope someday I’ll love again, Til then, I’ll live.” for a poem.

      I’ll be sure to keep reading you also. Thanks again. You rock honey, you really do!

      Love, Renee

    • No worries on writing me a book. I adore words. Every single one I write or read.

      The sunrise photo was taken by my friend Tracy Rhodes. She and her husband have taken other photos that have inspired me to write great stories.

      Love, Renee

    • Dear Scott,

      It’s sweet that you want to be the lucky guy. ❀ It means a lot to me. I'm doing okay, but battling a nasty bout of bronchitis. I'm frustrated that my body can't seem to get better. I'm hoping this next round of antibiotics will do the trick.

      How are you???

      Love, Renee

  7. Pingback: A Year of New Traditions by Renee | ASpoonfulofSuga

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