Facebook status update: Any day is a good day when you leave your therapist’s office and don’t want to cut yourself.
Yes, that was my status update today. One of them, anyway. I’m a teeny bit of a Facebook Whore. It’s where my words started flowing, so stuff it if you don’t like it.
If you’ve spent any time at all reading my blog, you know that I’m an open book. I lay my heart open quite easily. Without trepidation. It mortifies my mother and other family members. That’s okay though. I say the things that many are thinking. Beware of the fearless woman with a potty mouth.
After I posted, a dear friend and fellow writer sent me a private message. Seems she was concerned about my comment and wanted to check in on me. I assured her that all was well. I’m happy, today. I can’t promise that I will be tomorrow. It’s kind of a crap shoot with me. If you think I like being this moody, I don’t. It’s who I am though.
Back to the correspondence between my friend and me:
Oh honey, it was supposed to be funny. I promise, I’m okay. I have bouts of depression and euphoria. Borderline personality disorder, anxiety and panic disorder, ADHD and a host of other issues. I’m also a sexual abuse survivor.
Today is a good day though. Life is good and there is a smile on my face. I would not trade what I’ve been through, but I don’t wish it on others.
I’m a funny woman, with a dark side. I need incredible amounts of validation too. I couldn’t write well if I didn’t have my darkness. Everyone sees a happy and sunny woman when they look at me. Little do they know there’s so much more to me than what’s on the surface……
Thank you for your message my friend. Thank you for your friendship. I want you to know if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here for you too.
Always, Renee
The not always sparkly girl
As writers, we lay our hearts open. As our readers, you follow us to some places we wouldn’t even let a lover go. I’ve no idea why, but I think it’s what God wants me to do. Break myself open, and bleed all over the place. I figure somebody has to do it, it might as well be me.
Sparkle on my sweet friends. Sparkle on.
Renee Writes Here 
Sparkle on!
You betcha babe. I know you will too.
“Any day is a good day when you leave your therapist’s office and don’t want to cut yourself.”
I understand that completely! And I can totally understand your ups and downs, you dark side! I’m a bit like you, except for: ‘sexual abuse survivor’, ‘happy and sunny woman’.
You’re a beautiful woman (internally and externally) and a great writer. I hope you can have spontaneous, sincere, silly smiles on you face everyday! Because is so bad when you try to find reasons to smile and you can’t find them… you can’t find your smiles anymore.
I knew you’d understand. As my idol said:
Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing, and there’s so much to smile about.-Marilyn Monroe
Oh, I liked that! I’ll try not to forget it. 🙂
You won’t forget it. I guarantee it.
Shaun here.
Please accept this award please
“MOST INFLUENTIAL BLOGGER AWARD”
Please pass it to as many people as you live 1, 5, 10, 20, your choice!
http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/most-influential-blogger-award-2/
Shaun, you humble me. Thank you. I’ll be sure prepare an acceptance soon. XOXOXXOXOXXOOXO
At your own pace.. x 🙂
Hope you get the Award ok..
Email me your Facebook, I will add you if you like?
My email is on this reply or top of my page..
x
You can always email me at shygirl4429@yahoo.com or friend me on FB. My name is Renee Heath. That should help. 🙂
Thank you..
Done..
Fun will be had..
Few from here are on there also..
Ta x
TTFN. Giggle.
lol x
We all have dark sides, if we didn’t we would be one dimensional. I think the dark side just makes me appreciate my lighter side more.
I agree completely.
Must be why I like you so much.
I understand the dark. As I alluded to yesterday, people really don’t know the questions we don’t ask. I used to be chronically depressed, now, according to stroke psychologist, it’s more anxiety. I take an anti-anxiety that treats depression too. But I know it’s better because it’s not sitting right there on the edge like it used to be. My entire life feels more in my control. There are parts of my past I don’t share with people and, probably, won’t, but it no longer feels so much like hiding it as just not necessary. Make any sense?
Scott
Thanks for sharing with me Scott. I’m still dealing with chronic depression. It doesn’t happen often, but watch out when it does. I do find that I write my best when I’m sad. The tragedy of broken hearts seems to shine even more. Well, maybe not shine, but you know what I mean.
I also take an anti depressant for both depression and anxiety. I have a great therapist too. As for writing, that’s been a life saver too.
I’ll keep laying my heart open. I know you will too. We’re kindred spirits after all….
Love, Renee
Yes, we are. I will be putting up some of my dark poetry tonight. I would love to know truly what you think.
Scott
I’ll be happy to read it Scott. I’ll be sure to comment.
BTW I have a post titled, The Musings of a Broken Blonde Bombshell coming out on Wednesday the 29th on Daan van den Bergh’s blog. Check him out before that though. He’s a damn fine writer.
I will try to do that.
O, this strikes a cord with me, thank you Rene.
Hello there my dear. I’m so glad it did. xoxoxo
Love, Renee