Special thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for this week’s prompt. Not sure how this will turn out. I do believe Rochelle is right. These 100 word stories can be quite addicting. All criticism and kudos are welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Jessie looks up from her laptop, and sees Ramona and Abigail standing in the hospital room doorway.
She asks, “What do you want?”
Ramona states, “We wanted to see you is all.”
“You two wrote me off months ago. Now that I’m terminal, you’re here? Fuck off!”, she responds.
Abigail starts crying, then Ramona does.
Jessie says, “Don’t you dare cry for me, you are only here to assuage your guilt. Get out.”
The two women turn and walk away, defeated. Jessie places her reading glasses back on her nose. Turns her attention back to the laptop and continues writing.
Pretty Good, Ms. Renee. Especially When You’ve Got A 100 Word Limit.
It’s Very Realistic, And I Could Honestly See Anyone Acting Exactly As The 3 Characters In The Story. Not Bad, Babe. Not Bad At All 🙂
-B.
Thanks for the kind words sweetheart. The shorter the story, the more you learn. Sometimes anyway. Your comments are always welcome. 😉
That’s a great way to create the opening passage to a book. Nice one Renee. 🙂
Thanks my dear Stu. Who knows what could happen with those three women. Maybe that’s the end? Maybe it’s the beginning. Ya just never know.
I like this alot! So much unspoken backstory here that we want to know more of
Thanks RG. It could turn into a short story. You just never know.
Raw, and I like raw.
Thank you my dear. I like to write raw. I appreciate your comment.
Harsh but deserving. Plus, a writer till the very end. Nice work!
I figured if she was terminal, why should waste time talking to people that wrote her off?
pretty strong stuff.
When the end is near as we know it, the bitterness builds, as does the resentments, perspectives flare flying out the window, and people and feelings get hurt.
Nice representation of this horrible emotional and physical state.
Randy
I just realized that I never replied to your comment. Randy thank you so much for it. I’m loving Friday Fictioneers. It is such a great exercise in discipline. If you ever have constructive criticism for my work, bring it on.
Love, Renee
Simple , clear, and to the point. I like it. I wonder what there relationship was like prior to her diagnosis?
I think they were good friends. One of them changed and the other two didn’t like it. It happens. Thanks for the kind comment. I appreciate it.
Very vivid! Clearly Jessie is in no mood to be the Noble Martyr.
No, she most certainly is not. Thanks for your comment.
I feel Jessie’s pain. Good for her standing her ground. Thumbs up.
I feel it it too. Thanks for your sweet comment. I really do appreciate it.
I think that, unfortunately, this is all too realistic. I’m one of those optimistic souls who hopes something happens so that they mend all the rifts, even the canyon-sized ones. 🙂 Well done.
I wish for it also. But too often once the heart is broken, it can’t be mended. Even with the strongest glue.
It can certainly happen, that’s for sure.
Very nice… I hope you follow up on this :).
Thanks sweetheart. Maybe. We’ll see. 😉
All that bad blood. I love how she went right back to her writing.
I know I like how she did too. She is terminal after all. She has a deadline to meet. Thanks for the kind comment.
This was reality as it should be… Well written
Thanks so much. May we all be as strong if we become terminal.
Whoa! Good one!
Thanks honey. I gotta say I enjoyed writing it.
Good one!
Thanks very much my dear.
Lovely. Very realistic and passionate. Good story 🙂
Thank you so much for your comment. I’m glad you liked the story.
i like her attitude, and in her position, her way of facing the moment. even at this critical moment, she’s got guts. look at this line: “you are only here to assuage your guilt.” nobody i know would use the word “assuage.” it’s not wrong. it’s accurate, but it’s not a word anyone blurts out in a moment like this.
I just thought it was appropriate to use. Jessie was different than those women. They ultimately wanted to lessen their guilt because they couldn’t handle her anymore. In using that word she proved that she was better than them. Than being terminal. And she had a deadline. Death.
oh, there’s nothing wrong with it, for sure. but it’s an unexpected word. it might perfectly fit her character, but there’s no way to know that in just 100 words.
i shouldn’t say “no” way.
No there’s no way to know in only 100 words. Maybe you’re psychic.
not anymore. gave it up.
Oh yes that’s right. 😉
Dear Renee,
This was an incisive piece that introduced us to a strong character in a few words. Thanks for writing it. Ramona and Abigail probably don’t know what assuage means. good that Jessie returned so quickly to her writing.
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you for the nice comment Doug. I’m glad you liked the story. Of course she returned to her writing. She had a deadline. Her own death. Take care and have a wonderful weekend.
I like a phlegmatic woman; you drew the character well.
Thanks so much for the kind comment I really do appreciate it.
Dear Renee,
I for one would use the word assuage. However I found the word “pert” unnecessary. Am I nit picking? This story is powerful and to describe her nose seems to detract.. A lot of unsaid history between these women.
Good job,
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks for the kind words and the criticism Rochelle. I don’t believe you’re nit picking at all. This writing thing that I’m doing is pretty new to me, so tear it up. 😉 I do agree with you that the word pert is not necessary. I’ll remove it and place another. Thanks for your assistance.Maybe the short story will evolve into a longer one. We’ll see.
how about just nose? Just a thought.
Just nose is perfect.
what i mean is that any description of Jessie’s nose is not needed. It detracts IMHO from the impact of the bad blood between old friends.
You’re so right. It does. The story is about the three of them. Not her nose. Thank you.
Wonder what those two would have done to elicit such intense reactions from a terminally ailing woman. Whatever it was it must have cut very deep.
Very intense scene!
I’m glad you liked it. I’m not sure what they did yet. Maybe I’ll have to write more of their story. We’ll see.
Bravo to Jessie. She’s my kind of gal. That’s exactly how I would have acted if I were “terminal” and certain people decided to visit me. And it would have given me pleasure to use the exact same words. Love this story.
Lora thank you so much for the kind comments. I liked Jessie. She’s a spunky chick. I know I would act the same way in her situation. I’m glad you loved the story. Please keep reading. Thanks again.