You Gotta Get Up and Try, Try, Try


My day started as usual. The alarm went off and I practically knocked the fucking thing on the floor to shut it off. I snuggled with Heidi Jo Jo, the Wonder Schnauzer. She licked my nose. I dragged my ass out of bed, said my good morning to Roger Darling and headed to the shower. As I was stumbling into the tub, Heidi had to have me pet her one more time. Of course I talked to her like she was a baby. Her little nubbin wagged excitedly with the extra loving. Afterward I dressed in warm clothes. Grabbed some coffee. Chatted with Rog. Did my hair. All the normal boring shit I usually do.

As I was walking outside to go warm up my car, I slid on the frost covered deck and fell on my ass. I let out a huge laugh that brought Roger to our picture window. As usual he shook his head at me. Then he raised his shoulders as if to say, “What the fuck woman?” I just kept laughing and picked myself up. Wiped my ass off as I headed out to my car and started it up. I do have a new Candy Blue, the Stripper Car. She’s more curvaceous Β than my other Candy Blue. But curvy girls are always better. There’s more to hold onto.

I made my way to work with the stereo cranked to 11, changing stations constantly and singing my brains out. Typical drive in. I was screaming to P!nk’s new release, Try when my Sync system cut in. It was Roger Darling of course. He asked where I was. I let him know I was almost to the parking structure. He said he had just talked to mom and that one of our family members had been found dead this morning. I started crying. He told me to hold it together and call her back. I did. She sounded sick with grief. She told me no more details than my husband did. I made sure to tell her I loved her and to call me with any news.

In the span of five minutes and two phone calls my life changed. My mundane morning routine was turned upside down. My happiness, replaced with grief. For my sweet cousins. Β My entire family. As usual death will bring us together. We will hug, cry and reminisce. We will remember and look forward. We will hold on. We will let go.

Much love my dear friends. Much love.

41 thoughts on “You Gotta Get Up and Try, Try, Try

  1. Oh Renee, I’m so sorry to hear this 😦
    Life is such a shit sometimes.. A death in the family is hard at any time but at christmas especially so.
    Thinking of you today my sparkly friend
    love n hugs xxx

  2. sending cyber hugs your way along with heartfelt prayers, it never a good time but tge run up to the festive period always makes these things hit harder, but trying to see the positive at least when you fell you didnt hurt yourself

    • Thanks Paula. It is a terrible time of year to lose someone. It will be a difficult time I’m sure. One bright spot is my daughter’s wedding in 11 days. We’ll be in Florida and then Mexico.

      And honey I never hurt myself when I fall. The good Lord made me a klutz. Giggle. Hope you’re healing well.

      • we are down to about a centimetre of scab still healing but it is certainly on the mend although the whole scar is itching like mad I am taking it as part of the healing process and trying to resist scratching it

      • lol no way this one is ever disappearing it is 7 inches long and as it is the second time they have been in there is a little thicker where they removed scar tissue from the first one but you know what if it has fixed my back I shall wear it with pride πŸ˜€

  3. Death does that to people; we can be so full of grief, we can’t speak..!
    “We will hold on. We will let go.”
    So true, Renee..! There’s a strange ‘comfort’ in that… one that knows we all shall pass, and that’s okay…….

  4. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s amazing how a moment in time can change so drastically…

    I adore Pink’s new album and this song makes me cry…but I could read too much into it, being the overthinker that I am…

    • You are right my friend. Life most certainly is the great mystery. Death is peace for the one that dies. Not so for the living left behind. We’ll get through it. Our hearts will be saddened and then made harder by it. But we will get through it.

  5. It’s like Forest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” My deepest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your cousins and most likely also your friends. I’ve gone through this many times myself over the decades and you are exactly right. The family will unite, reminisce, hold tight and at some point let go and move forward in whatever direction you are pulled by life simply happening. I wish you the very best in the journey ahead and far less experiences like this one. My best to you, always.

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