Practical Magic or Practical Love, What Can We Do to Fill That Hole Inside of Us?

“Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.“-Practical Magic

It has been so long since I’ve seen this movie, but this quote moved me to tears this morning. I know I have love, but I still feel this void inside of me. Every day. Why? I have no idea. But I wish there was some way for me to fill it. Maybe that’s why I write. Who knows. Maybe that’s why I share with you the emptiness I feel in my soul. Today, I shared it with my friend, someone I haven’t seen in 30 years. But it felt normal to share it with her. I have no idea why.  I just did. As I talked to my friend, I’ll call her the Singing Siren. I was reminded that we all have this hole in us. We want to fill it. I asked her, why do we have this hole that needs to be filled?

I mean we love, we are loved, we have children, and we lead full lives. For some reason, we want more. We women, who have made it to this stage in our lives crave more. We are NOT our mothers. We are not content to sit back and grow old. I am sure  it’s why I write. I still burn. I may be almost at middle age but I still burn. I write because I am not dead yet. I will not die. And when I do, you will remember me. My words, my passion, my life written on these pages will make you remember me. It will also make you remember the stories that I’ve told and the people that I’ve made you meet. I told Rory today that I will not go silently into that good night. I will go out kicking and screaming. Fighting ever damn step of the way.

I told the Singing Siren’s friend, that we all have that hole. No matter how fulfilled we are, we all have it in us. It could be from a lost love, a great what if, or a life wasted. We all have that hole we are trying to fill. I told her to find a passion, and fill it up. But who am I? I’m just a girl with a big mouth that likes to talk a lot. What advice I give really has no bearing on anyone that I come in contact with.

My friend, the Raven Haired Angel, gave a sad status update today. It was: I used to be so positive about life and encouraged others. My life was awesome. I have a wonderful husband who puts up with the crazy and psycotic depending which day it is. I have great friends, wonderful children, great employers, and cuddle pups. So why is it I can still encourage others while I’m drowning in myself? I am so blessed and so thankful, and yet feel stupid and unworthy and incapable of anything! I awake crying for no reason, I hurt from head to toe, I stumble,I forget , I’m hot, I’m cold, and I can’t open a damn jar anymore! If this is midlife it sucks!!!!!

I told the Raven Haired Angel that a good friend gave me the subject to write about today. All from a simple quote from a sweet, sad movie called, Practical Magic. I told her she was beautiful, that she’s still viable. That she is loved and lovely. That the crazy and the psychotic we feel is normal. We’re normal. It’s okay to feel the way we feel. It makes us yearn to be more, and to do more. It means that we are not about to be complacent. I told her do NOT become so. I told her to find a passion and pursue it. I signed off telling her that I had much love to give her and if at anytime she needed to be told how normal and necessary she was, she could call me.

I’m still trying to find a way to fill that hole in me. I feel I do every day I write. Every post I make. It fills my hole and makes me whole. Makes me better. Makes my friends, readers, and followers better. It makes me realize we are not alone. We are not. And here, here we find a way to become better. To find that Practical Magic, and that Practical Love.

29 thoughts on “Practical Magic or Practical Love, What Can We Do to Fill That Hole Inside of Us?

  1. And there is a deep response that emanates from us in return…a connection if you will…I’m not sure how it works…I know it is spiritual…but through the internet?…that seems weird…but it is there…we all feel it.

    Be encouraged!

    • Stephen, even through the internet we feel this connection. We do. I don’t know how but we do. I’ve felt it with so many of my followers and readers. I’ve found a new best friend through my words. He and I have never uttered a word except in text, but I know if I ever needed anything he would be there for me at the drop of a hat. It’s so strange these connections, but I tell you Stephen, they are what I thrive on. And what I live for!

      • I’ve heard it said, and I believe it, that we are not simply humans with a spiritual aspect, but we are spiritual beings who are currently manifesting a human aspect.

        There is so much here for us…I want to spend the rest of my life exploring and wandering around making and feeling these connections…I tell you, the older I get the more woo-woo I get.

        Be encouraged!

      • Oh honey I’m with you on being woo-woo. I always have been and the older I get the stronger that woo-woo gets. I believe in fate, serendipity, love, the illogical and magic. I always will. I believe it helps me write better. I really do. I’m finding there are so many people like me. I’m so glad you’re here and you “get” me. Thank you.

  2. We have seasons don’t we…when I feel a void, a hole, it always drives me to seek out what I should be doing and maybe that is the blessing of the void: to move us forward to point us to the new adventure. I like how you encouraged another friend because the best way to help ourselves is to help others …

    • Yes Diana we do have seasons. I have days, weeks, months and sometimes years of needs to do and be more. Hell I think I’m like this every day. Sometimes it’s exhausting, but most of the time it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. Even if I give a kind word to someone then my day has been made complete. I want to find adventure in everything I do. Whether it is simple or complex, I want adventure. I will not rest. Ever.

  3. I’ll bet our mothers weren’t as content as we like to think they were; nor their mothers either. We think that we, living in this Age of Information as we do, invented ennui and dissatisfaction. We didn’t.

    • Oh honey I know my mother wasn’t content. She taught me to strive to achieve. She proved to me that you don’t need a man to feel complete. She taught me that life is what you make it. I figure if I wake up breathing I’ve got the chance to make a difference in my life. And in the life of someone else. My grandmother was the first feminist I ever knew. She stopped taking shit from the husband that cheated on her and booted him out. She taught me to work with my hands and that I could do anything I wanted. I’m so incredibly blessed to have been raised by strong women.

  4. This is so beautiful Renee… and touched me deeply. Because goodness knows I feel this way lots and lots. But sometimes I wonder… Did our mothers feel the same chilling void and clench their fist and say “We are NOT our mothers. We are not content to sit back and grow old.” And then… did their mothers silently scream the very same declaration at the sky? And so forth and so on…

    • Marian honey you know I welcome every comment you make on my work. I’m glad you felt the post. It moved me to tears to write it and then when I proofread it. I knew it would effect others the way it did me. I know my mother raised her fist and screamed that she was not her mother, and that she didn’t need a man to complete her. She taught me I could do anything. I was raised by women, and honey that means I can swing a hammer or look fucking gorgeous in a short skirt. 🙂 My grandmother was the first feminist that ever told me I could do and be anything. She was subservient to her husband, but she made sure to let him know that he should never, ever tell her she couldn’t do something. I took that lesson with me and I will never forget it. Glad you’re here honey and you “get” it. Raise that fist in the air Marian and declare that you can do anything!

    • Thanks so much Andrea. There are so many of us that feel so lost after our kids grow up and move on. We feel like we should be doing more, but what is that more that we should be doing? I’m so glad I found it in blogging. I’m so glad you get it. I’m so glad you’re here and you get it. Thank you honey.

      • It sure is. I find that there are so many of us that are feeling the same way. It’s great to be able to share it here. I find that I’m finding it’s true with my readers. I get messages from my readers all the time wondering how I got into their heads and thought their thoughts. I haven’t really, we all just feel the same way. 😉

      • Blogging really is an amazing way to connect. All at once you can feel so related to people, and yet learn so much from your differences. I love how much I have gained from this experience!

      • Me too for the most part. Look at my most recent post. You’ll see I may not keep doing this. We’ll see what happens. We’ll see.

  5. …of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. this is a beautiful piece. I was hanging on to every word you wrote until the very end. thank you for sharing and know that you are not alone. there are people out there who still looks at the moon and wonders.

    • Honey I have love but I will always be a restless spirit. I hope I am till the day I die. I hope I keep striving to be more. I love my dear husband and he understands me more than most people do. But there are days when he doesn’t. I wish he did. I wish he could fill this hole in me. I try to do it with writing. I try to make others feel what I feel. I know there are so many of us that have this need. I figure if I talk about it and get it out there that it may inspire them to pursue their passion. Just like I do, here, every day. Thanks for your comment honey and thanks for reading. I appreciate so much.

    • Oh honey we should talk more about it. It’s in all of us, whether we admit to it or not. I hope I did shed some light. I hope my posts continue to do so. Thanks for you comment and for reading me my love.

  6. Beautiful post, love the quote. Practical Magic is one of those movies I watch over and over again. Aidan Quinn read that letter so many times he almost wore out the paper!! So I think a lot of us feel that way, or at least the screen writers maybe intended us to believe so? We’re all out there looking for something to fill that hole, and hopefully for a lot of us, its not anything destructive like booze or drugs. Its writing. And you excel at it 🙂

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