Just One….


Hard to believe I was even smiling in this photo. It was the worst day I’d ever had. My eyes were so damn swollen from crying, my throat ached from sobbing, my heart was broken. I was exhausted from lack of sleep. I know, I know you don’t get it. But it was so fucking bad. Tears, sadness, anger, loss. My kids wanting to kick my ass. All of it just plain old sucked, sucked, and sucked. Then it sucked some more. Thankfully it was a turning point.

My life has changed so much in just one week. It’s amazing how quickly pain can turn to joy. Just from one damn day. One conversation. One fight. One discussion. One look. One admission. One confession. One life. One love. Just one. That’s all it took to change my life. To show vulnerability and not pity was what did it. To realize we are both human. That there is no room for complacency in a relationship. That you both must step up, every damn day. That helps too.

Keep using your words. Keep talking to the person you love. Not at them. Don’t shut down. It is the worst. And stay passionate. About everything. Your life, your love, your differences, your bodies. Celebrate each other. In small ways. Smile across a room at a party. Text each other. Write notes. Be decent to one another.

Like the fact that you fell in love with them. Like them! I know that Roger Darling likes me. That makes my day. I know that I like him. That makes his day. I know that I keep him young. I know that he keeps me grounded. Of course not so grounded that I don’t run around a store, start dancing and then sing at the top of my lungs. He’ll never change that about me. He loves that about me. Isn’t that great? I sureΒ  think so.

20 thoughts on “Just One….

  1. Boy, are you channeling for the masses. I feel as if you’re the designated driver on this one; the way you urge and plead, encourage and gently advise to love no matter what.
    I spent my day in tears over the death of a writer I loved, over the absence and neglect of the man I love, feeling so fragile and vulnerable once again realizing in no uncertain terms that life is short, and we must not waste a minute of it. Your essay was as if you took all my pain and recycled it into what you penned.

    I am very moved indeed.

    • My darling I am so sorry for your loss. I choose to chase love. To find it wherever I am. Whoever Im with. But to love myself too. Love yourself susannah. Love yourself. You are very loved and deserve it. Dont let anyone neglect you. You are worth so much more than that. Love to you.

      • Thank you. I like that you chase love. I need to try to do the same. I tend to wait around for it, that pat on the head as if you were a puppy. My friend is just so busy with a huge life that I’m falling through the cracks. It’s painful but there’s really nothing I can do. I appreciate what you wrote to me.

      • You’re welcome my sweet. Don’t wait for someone to love you. Chase it. You deserve everything you want. You are an amazing woman with a lot to offer. Chase it. Look for it everywhere.

  2. You really do have such a way with words. I have spent the last 3 years of my degree pouring over texts that I have loved, hated and felt all other emotions towards them in between, and this text makes me think about what is important and strikes me just as much as some of my favourite writers! x

    • Holly1991 thank you from the bottom of my non college educated heart. I don’t know where these words come from. But I’m glad that I have them. This writing is new to me. I feel I get better every damn time I post. Thanks for reading me. And I will be sure to read you.

      • I agree, every time you write, you will improve. After all the creative writing lessons and what not I’ve had, I am still struggling to find my voice! The only way I am managing is by testing out what feels right for me x

      • That’s all you can do. You will find it. It’s in you. And blogging helps so much with it. Whatever is making me happy or sad comes out in my writing. I like that I have a flair for it. I like that I have an outlet. If you go through my previous posts you’ll see that I’ve struggled with many addictions. But this, this keeps me from my addictions. Keeps me grounded. I’m so thankful I found my way here. That I feel safe here. Post away my dear, I will be happy to read you!

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