Making the ultimate sacrifice

“She is a true mother … I was overwhelmed. Giving the gift of a child is the ultimate gift. I had mixed feelings first watching (the baby with mom) and thinking ‘could I do what she is doing.’ She kept saying, ‘it’s OK,’ not to worry about her, that ‘it’s my gift to you.’ I was in awe. Mothers do what we can to help our children. Here she was only 17, but I have so much respect for this young woman..” ~Unrevealed – SOURCE: The Windsor Star 2012-01-18

For a short time on April 3, 1968 my name was April. I was born to a beautiful green eyed, brown haired, 5’10, 24 year old single woman. She had just finished her graduate program at MSU and was getting ready to begin her teaching career. Since it was 1968 abortion was illegal. I’m sure she could have obtained one but instead she carried me to term and made probably the hardest decision of her life. She gave me up for adoption. She terminated all parental rights. She moved on with her life without her child. Me.

My mom and dad weren’t even supposed to adopt me. They had been waiting seven long years for a baby to come along. My mom had endured many miscarriages, hormone therapy, and many other procedures to have a child. None of them worked. Finally the decision was made to adopt. It took some time. Then came the news that there was a blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl available. Then the unthinkable happened. It was 1968 during the height of the civil rights movement. On April 4, 1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis Tennessee. Daddy was a MI State Trooper so when the riots in Detroit broke out, he had to go. Another baby girl slipped through my momma’s fingers…..

When Daddy got home a few weeks later, there was a call from Lutheran Social Services, and miracle of miracles another blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl was available for adoption. Me. They went to pick me up. Momma said they handed me to her and she was so overwhelmed with love that she nearly fainted. Daddy had to hold onto her to steady her. She said she looked at me and right then and there named me Renee Michelle. She knew I was hers forever……

A birth mom makes one of the ultimate sacrifices for us. They love us so much they give us away to someone who can take care of us. Their love is infinite, even though their act is so final. I’m thankful every day to my birth mother for giving me life, loving me and giving me away. She did what she had to do. I’m in awe of her though I’ve never met her. I hope someday I get to. I feel like I’m ready to take that journey now. I’ve had release forms and updated contact information added to all of my files for over 20 years just in case she wanted to find me. She never has. And thought that is sort of disheartening, I won’t give up. I will find her. And when I do I will tell her thank you. Thank you for naming me April…. And thank you for giving me life…. Me.

33 thoughts on “Making the ultimate sacrifice

      • I know the feeling…I’m still kind of unsure — But if you copy the url link to my post with the award…then go into your own dashboard — add a widget to your sidebar – then paste the url link under the image url – space, the caption is where you can mention who nominates you, etc…then you can put the same url under the spot where is says, when image is clicked.
        Then for your post, you can acknowledge the award, list 7 things about you, then nominate others (for this one, it asked for 15) You can just copy each person’s url — and when you list each one you want to nominate — just copy their url into the link button…Finally, just send a quick notice to each person’s comments so they know about it. Hope this wasn’t too confusing — if you need further info don’t hesitate to ask!

    • Thanks for the kind comment Stelios. It does hurt some days. But most days it’s just a precious ache. I know she’s out there. I know someday I’ll find her. I just hope that she sees that I was worth the wait…..

  1. Wow! This is so powerful. I am in awe of women who have the courage, strength, determination, and will to give their babies up for adoption. It must go against every fiber in their bodies, but they truly believe that it is best for their child, so they sacrifice a huge part of themselves.
    It is incredibly moving that your mom was so overwhelmed with love when she first saw you that she almost fainted. What an immensity of love from both of your mothers!!

    • I have to say that both of my moms are incredibly strong women. Because of their strength they made me strong. In will and in character. My being adopted is such a huge part of my personality. My sense of being lost, and my sense of being found. And my need to keep searching and to keep learning about myself…

  2. My mother gave a baby boy up for adoption before she had me and my siblings. She told me she thought of that baby every day of her life. I know it hurt her heart to give him to someone else. She didn’t want to find him. Time had passed and I think she was worried about explaining her situation to him and likely fearful of anger and unhappiness. She’s been dead for almost 5 years. From time to time, I think about that 55 year old baby too. I don’t know what on earth I could ever tell him other than she loved him and thought of him every day. She would have kept him if his dad loved her enough to marry her but I guess he didn’t. It was 1957.

    Whether you meet your biological mom or not, she thinks of you and dreams of your happiness.

  3. Thank You
    I had but one child and gave him to others
    I pray he was adored but it was 3 square meals a day I wanted for him in 77 and was not sure he and I could make it .
    We know where each other is and we care about each other but the Mother Son Reunion I am sure will never be as long as his parents the ones I chose for him worry so.
    I do not want to take him away just want to hear all the great things he did with the life I chose to give him
    I chose LIFE and older people and he got both.
    I had just 9 months with him to last a life time
    hard yes
    worth it well he is alive and amazing so I would so so

    Thanks for your posts

    • OMG honey thank you for your comment. I love it so. It brings me to tears. I’m so glad you read my post. I don’t know if I’ll go looking for her or for him. But I want them to know that I’m okay. That I thrive. That I’m wonderful, even when I’m not. Because of them, I’m alive. Because of them, I’m here. Thank you honey. Please stay and read. I’ll be sure to read you. I hope you get to know your son. I pray for it.

  4. I am glad to see you writing your story. Growing a family through adoption is so very special – and there are so many additional layers. One reason I started my blog was to start “practicing” writing – to get the words onto paper – the story of my daughter’s adoption. I love to read the stories of other’s –

    I have a nephew that was put up for adoption years ago. My sister suffered some personal tragedies after that – some of circumstance, others of her own doing. In rebuilding her life, while she loves that son dearly, she had to put that portion in a compartment – “do not disturb” and her greatest fear is that he will make an attempt to find her. She does not need to have her life crumble. And he does not need to know that his birth father committed suicide. Our family has diligently passed along all relevant medical information to the adoption agency to pass along to his family.

    Each story is so unique. I look forward to reading yours 🙂

    • I thank you for your comment. While agree that for right now your sister can’t even fathom her bio son finding her, there may come a day that he shows up at her door. It is not her fault or his for the death of the birth father. It is very important that your sister and the birth son know this. Our stories are all different. Our lives and circumstances are too. But if I could, I would walk up to my birth mom, hug her and tell her thank you. Though this life of mine is far from perfect, I’m glad I got to live it. No matter the circumstance of my birth. I was meant to be here. I was meant to love and be loved. To marry and have children. To write. I was meant to do all of those things. Without her, I would be but a faint memory. A glimpse of what could have been.

      So tell your sis to be strong. Tell her I’m proud of her for making a good choice. She did what was right for both she and her bio son. I’m pro-choice, but I’m all for adoption too. Cheers to your sister. And you. Keep writing.

      Love, Renee

      • Thanks for your kind words. I, too, hope she reaches that point where she would welcome him. If he ever searches out the family, he is welcome in my home. 🙂
        My heart and soul believes he is in a good place.

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